Preschoolers 101: Emotions (part two)

Good morning!  I hope that this post finds you all well and ready to start another week!  It seems so appropriate to have Preschoolers 101 today as our little preschooler was a bit of a challenge over the weekend.  Nothing terrible, just the normal stubborn child with selective hearing that I love in spite of it all.  Today Heather has some more advice for us on our children's emotions.  Such great stuff... 

Those little preschoolers...what emotions they can have, and from their perspective, those emotions are so warranted!  To us, they might seem dramatic or extreme, but to them it's exactly what they are feeling, right there, out in the open for all to see.  So what do we do about them?

Well, first thing's first.

We accept them.

We can't make them go away, so we have to start by accepting that these emotions exist, and that they are going to be expressed in some way.  That way may not be how we'd like for them to be expressed, but that's not going to change them.  So accept them and understand that this too shall pass, but for now it is what it is, and we need to deal with it.

Now...to deal with it :)

I find it VERY important to acknowledge the emotions that a child is having, to reflect them,  and to talk about them.  I once read a newsletter by a great parenting coach, Scott Noelle, on how it's not necessarily important to tell them “It's ok to feel angry/sad/mad...” because we should already have done  our best to let our children know that all feelings are okay to feel.  He goes on to say that we don't feel the need to tell our children that it's okay to be happy, so why do we feel the need to assure them it's okay to be sad?  What I do think is necessary, though, is labeling those emotions.  For example...

Your child is happily playing with his toys, and it's almost time for dinner.  You give the 1 or 2 minute warning that it's almost time to clean up, and all is still okay.  Then it's time to clean up  and your child gets upset (we'll assume here that it's just crying, or refusing to clean up).  This is where you can say “I know you really like to play with your toys and I can see that you're upset about this.  Sometimes, when I have to clean up, it's frustrating for me too...” and so on.  

This isn't to say that this will stop your child from being upset.  That's not what you're trying to do!  Remember?  All of our emotions are okay to feel... and healthy to feel... so feel them!

This can go with both “negative” and “positive” emotions.  I don't necessarily like to label them that way, but it's the clearest way to identify them sometimes.  When your child is having fun doing something...label that, too!  “Wow!  That truck really makes you smile!  Are you feeling happy?”

By understanding of the emotions we feel, and by helping our preschoolers do that as well, we can start to help them understand what to do with those emotions.  It can also relieve some of their confusion when these waves of emotions come through their little souls and rock their worlds sometimes!

Here are some other activities you can use to help your preschooler understand emotions...

• Make faces in the mirror...happy, sad, surprised!  To keep it fun, get some markers, and add some funny features on the mirrors to your faces!  Make sure they wash off the mirror before you go crazy with this, though!
• Use Mr. Potato Head to show different emotions.  Act out what he might do when he's feeling each way.
• Do some drawing!  Draw faces with different feelings.  Talk about what makes you happy...sad...scared...or mad!  Let your child know that you have feelings too and talk about what you do when you're feeling that way.  
• Role play.  Act out different scenarios.  Switch roles!  Let your child be you, and you be the child.  You'll be surprised what you learn from your child!

Most of all, remember to have fun with it!  

Thanks again, Heather!  I am trying to apply all of this wonderful information and I seem to be seeing more of the behaviors that I like!  Hooray!